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Children and Name Calling: One of the less agreeable stages of child development is that of name-calling, where such is usually (though not always exclusively) directed at other children.

Every daycare centre, including our daycare centre in Nollamara, will have seen odd examples of such. It is far from unusual and is rarely a sign of a fundamental development problem.

Why children sometimes call others nasty names: Name Calling

Different experts and studies have, as is common with child studies, reached different conclusions about name calling. However, in our experience, there are a number of common categories:

• emotional overspill – we’ve written on this subject before in the context of pushing and shoving episodes but if a child is struggling to master his or her emotions (a common developmental event) then irrational and disproportionate anger can arise and result in a name-calling incident. The name-calling is rarely directly related to the victim and is simply the offending child reaching into their vocabulary for a ‘shock word’. That might include swearing or simply calling the other child a silly name like ‘you poo bag’ or similar;
• group conformity – where a squabble has arisen, some children may join in on the side of their friend or friends to call another child or children names. This is part of socialisation and trying to ‘fit in’;
• imitative / experimental – children’s vocabularies expand at a phenomenal rate. They’ll sometimes hear insults on TV or from older siblings and they’ll be keen to try them out even if by then they’re old enough to understand they shouldn’t. They’re sometimes ‘fishing’ to see the reaction from the daycare centre’s personnel, the other child/children and their own friends;
• lack of empathy – full empathy doesn’t really develop in children until around 4-6 years. One of the things that they therefore may not have fully learned is how hurtful name-calling can be;
• emphasising differences – where another child has physical differences, some children may attempt to distance themselves from them and name-calling may arise as a part of that. So, children with different body shapes, skin colourings, cultural heritages, languages or disabilities (etc.) can sometimes be singled out and their difference(s) emphasised. This behaviour is part natural but often significantly influenced by the values of siblings and parents etc.

What can be done

It is important not to over-react. This is a perfectly normal childhood phase that is, in almost all cases, quickly passed through once children have learned the true impact of name calling others.

Where we see it, we will quietly and calmly take the child to one side, to try and understand why they have called another child a nasty name. In about 99% of such cases, the causes are trivial.

Usually, simply explaining how it might hurt the other child and sometimes asking the other child to explain how they felt, is incredibly effective.

We will also recognise of course that the ‘victim’ may need to have some help in understanding why they were called a name and how they should respond to that.

Such behaviours are usually just a phase that is quickly passed through as a child matures.

In a tiny number of cases, a child may seemingly be unable to control their name-calling and may be doing so with what appears to be a deliberate objective of causing frequent emotional hurt to others. This can sometimes also be associated with apparently uncontrolled use of swear words.

Where that is the case, it may be a symptom of another underlying condition such as emotional dysregulation, ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), or one of the autism spectrum disorders. In such cases, an initial discussion with a doctor would be advisable.

These types of disorders would typically be seen first in the home but where we suspected a child’s name calling was anything other than a normal developmental phase, we would bring it immediately to the attention of parents.