Do Boys and Girls Naturally Separate in Play?
This is one of those subjects that we’re regularly asked our opinion on.
Of course, we do see children playing all the time as we provide our Nollamara Early Learning Centre framework. So, we can comment both from practical observation as well as academic research and theory.
Our Nollamara Early Learning Centre and play
We recognise and respect that some religions and cultures have different values and expectations vis-à-vis boys and girls playing together even at preschool ages. If you have some such values, we’d welcome the chance to discuss them with you. However, for the sake of simplicity, in what follows we’ll be talking about environments where boys and girls are free to play with whoever they wish.
At very young ages, say typically in the under 3s, both our experience and academic studies suggest that boys and girls will play with anyone, assuming that all the children are fully engaged and enthusiastic about the game. In fact, most children at three still haven’t fully understood the nature of gender and seem, for the most part, unaware of it.
Some will have gathered from siblings or just observation in school, that boys and girls have anatomical differences that affect things like how and where they go to the loo etc. Yet it seems as if these differences are mentally ‘filed away’ and play little part in a child’s day-to-day play activities and their selection of friends.
The change by 4
Our Early Learning Centre in Nollamara often sees a significant change by the age of about 4.
At this age, typically children will have almost mysteriously formed a view of ‘girls’ and ‘boys’. They probably don’t yet fully understand the biological differences but they are reflecting in the things they say and how they behave to each other. Although the process is not fully understood, it seems likely as if much of this awareness is coming through socialisation processes including observing the behaviours of others, TV, books and so on.
It’s also usually somewhere between 3-4 years that the sexes start to split, at least to some extent, based on friend preferences. Why this happens is also not at all clear but it may, in part, be related to changing hormonal balances. By 4 years or a little older, many boys typically start to prefer games that are more physical, competitive and sometimes rough.
By contrast, girls will increasingly incline towards games that are more cooperative and social in nature. Typically, they start to avoid more physically robust ‘rough and tumble’ type play that becomes more commonplace in boys.
Although some of these factors have been questioned and described as stereotypical, they remain consistently observed and also evidenced in studies.
Impact on play and gender-based play
It should be no surprise that people in general and children specifically, typically associate with others that have similar and therefore ‘compatible’ interests.
If boys are interested in games that are more physical, they will tend to come together to play those games. The same will be true for girls. This is probably the simple explanation as to why by the end of the preschool ages, children will be increasingly segmenting into the sexes for their play and recreational activities.
This is not an inviolable rule. Every child is different and their behaviours can also vary from one day to another. Some girls at 5-6 years may prefer playing with mainly boys and the reverse may be true for some boys. These preferences at younger ages typically have no meaning in terms of their later adult orientations.
However, in overall Early Learning Centre terms, by around 5 years boys and girls may still come together to play but by and large, they will be choosing friends of the same sex.
