6 Best Ways to Manage your Child's Anger

6 Best Ways to Manage your Child’s Anger

26 October 2021
Posted by: Chelsea

Your child is very likely to get angry from time to time. The frequency and intensity of that will vary depending upon the circumstances and above all, their personality.

Here are the 6 best ways to manage your child’s anger outbursts but before starting, keep in mind that every situation may be different. Some of these techniques may or may not be suitable in an individual situation.

6 Best Ways to Manage your Child’s Anger:

Calmness

Most younger children’s anger may be intense but it’s also often very short-lived.

In many cases, within a very few minutes, they will have calmed down and probably even forgotten the issue altogether.

To help that, you’ll need to stay calm and make sure you don’t get sucked into reacting angrily yourself. Instead:

  • stay gentle and maintain eyecontact with your child, asking them to calm down and tell you what the problem is;
  • if they indicate they want a cuddle fine but if they don’t, avoid trying to force it – many children just want to be left alone for a few minutes;
  • ask them to explain why they’re angry and deal with their explanation as appropriate;
  • don’t mock your child’s anger or remonstrate with them. Try to get them to analyse the reasons they became angry and reach the conclusion that it was not necessary, rather than dismissing it as being “silly”.

Isolation

Some children, notably in temper tantrums, really just need time to calm themselves down. There may be little else you can do other than leave them to it.

If so, take them into their normal play area or room and leave them to get over it – making sure they’re safe and can do no damage to themselves or other items.It’s a good idea to keep a watchful eye on them too.

However, never lock your children away or physically isolate them in such a way as they can’t come back to you for a reassuring cuddle when they’ve calmed down.

Children suffering from regular ongoing temper tantrums that involve trying to damage things, themselves or others, may require some specialist intervention. Your doctor will advise further.

Distraction

It’s amazing how a minor but attractive distraction can cause anger to vanish more or less instantly.

So, while they’re raging, try taking out a game they enjoy playing without consulting themand start to set it up on the table where they can see it. The chances are, they’ll be up in a flash to see what’s going on and their anger will have vanished.

However, use this one sparingly. Your child should not start to equate anger displays with rewards.

Removal of cause

Anger outbursts often arise over a ‘thing’. A good example is when one sibling takes something from another, meaning the loser erupts in anger.

The solution here usually means moving the item away so that nobody has it. True, there’s a slight risk that this results in two angry children not one but if you then discuss why the problem happened, after a minute or two justifying the rage, the anger will evaporate.

Sanctions

Sometimes, a child’s anger can be, quite simply, a form of aggression in which they’re experimenting with pushing their boundaries and yours. This is quite normal and part of growing up.

If you’re sure that’s the case, react as per some of the options listed here but at the same time, make it clear that such behaviour is not acceptable. Try reason first but if that doesn’t work, allocate a sanction by way of removal of privileges or similar.

Yes, it may provoke more anger initially but your child will quickly learn that anger is not a pathway to getting their own way but to disadvantage instead.

Show you’re hurt

Most children really don’t like to think they’ve upset one or both of their parents. They often initially struggle to understand all the linkages between their behaviour and your reaction.

So, if they’re having an anger attack, make sure they know that it is upsetting you. That will, in many cases, stop it almost immediately.

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